


Sugar Glass

by Roman (Ghoul1gan)



Series: For Your ENTERTAINMENT [5]
Category: Bandom, Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Death, Depression, F/M, Government Conspiracy, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loneliness, Murder, Pining, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicidal Themes, the mature tag is for the sad, widower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:41:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghoul1gan/pseuds/Roman
Summary: 20 years after Roman had disappeared, Awsten makes one final visit to the place they first met.Edit; My brother read this and sobbed angrily at me.
Relationships: Awsten Knight/Original Character(s), Awsten Knight/Original Female Character(s)
Series: For Your ENTERTAINMENT [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627567
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Sugar Glass

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning! Suicide does happen in this story, and there are ways it probably seems like I glorify it. I apologize, but I want to put the warning out there that I am no professional, and I really don't want to cause harm. I tried to assuage major damages, but I felt what I felt, and I wrote it.
> 
> **It's sadness Courtney. Fuckin' sadness.**

"I learned to fear your sweetness, when you spun your sugar glass.  
You yearned to cut me open, carve out my better half.  
But tonight I have a dagger, I fear you’ve cut your last.  
‘Cause a coward broken, is a coward that doesn’t last." \- - -

Awsten methodically trudged up the stairs. Step by crumbling step. The greys of the concrete blurring in his pale hazel eyes. The cadence of the movement, and the rhythm of his breath were the only things keeping him from slipping into an absolute revery.

His hand coasted over the chipping paint and rust of the railing. This place had once been their home. This shambling apartment building had once been the light of his days. A beacon of hope, and promise. But now, his beard had grown, his face had sunken in, and the structure had followed suit. Aging rapidly and yawning into the dusty ground.

 _Roman_. He hadn’t let himself sink for so long. But after twenty years of being told to stop looking by his friends, the authorities, and his own body, he had given up hope that she was still alive. She had been gone for quite some time now, and he had given up many of his years for her. If you asked him now, he’d say he was willing to do it again. If he had never met her, things would’ve been different. The band wouldn’t have broken up. His parents would still be together. He probably would’ve found someone more normal and reliable to share his days with.

But Awsten didn’t want normal. He himself wasn’t normal, why would he ask someone else to be so? Why would he give up the strange for something safe, when he could settle into bed at night knowing he coexisted with something so weird and forgiving?

He made it to the third floor landing, his breath quiet and monotonous. His only company was the dust and cobwebs cluttering the breezeway. How had this been his home? How could one person change so much?

The tenants of the building had seemingly lost all comfort in this building once Roman had seemingly magicked herself out of existence, fleeing the scene just as quickly as the mysterious girl had.

The town had dissected her past much better than he could’ve. Painting her in hues of green and red, disgust and suspicion. Awsten wasn’t one to normally hold things sacred, he found it dishonest and pure favoritism of the highest order… but Roman had been the exception proving his rules. She stood out compared to everything else. He had wanted to learn her past slowly, with gentle prying and being gifted with nuggets of freely given knowledge. 

But that opportunity had been ripped from him, and anyone around him. Investigators had cut down every door, smashed through every window, and simply vaporized the walls of privacy her parents had tried so hard to keep standing. No amount of money could fend off the hounds of her hell. And now Awsten had more questions than he could ever answer.

He had cried far too much over the twenty years to cry now, but he still got choked up if he thought too hard about it. How could anyone recover from that. He had already accepted much of the alienation he had received through the years of being in the spotlight. His formative school years he had been cast out, the little jabs at his psyche and his confidence every time someone brushed off his concerns. But this had been a whole new level.

Roman had finally opened up. Told him about the accident as her parents had told it. A fire had been blazing in the house. Roman was a toddler at the time, and she simply saw pretty mesmerizing ribbons. She ran from the heat and tripped into a different bouquet of flame, saving only her face from the fire.

She had the evidence, plain as day on her forearms. And after the first time Awsten had seen her without an article of clothing guarding her chest, he had finally seen the arcs of swirling scars on her chest too. How her face hadn’t been burned was beyond Awsten then, and even now he wasn’t sure what would’ve saved her head from the blaze. He was thankful. But it didn’t explain anything.

Her childhood accident hadn’t been the truth. Both of them had known. It was far too coincidental, too charmed for either of their liking. That only left secrets the family wasn’t willing to disclose, and that led to terrifying rabbit holes neither of them was very happy discussing. 

Roman had finally told him the story of her scars. True or not, Awsten had cried upon realizing that he had finally become a part of her. That he had started overlapping her past. He smiled, even now as he stood in front of her apartment. 

Accepting her disappearance was hard. He still wasn’t sure he was entirely ready to say goodbye. So he danced with the shadows of their brief life together, holding back tears as he pushed her door open, brushing the spiderwebs away with a grimace. 

The carpet was half eaten by miscellaneous bugs, and the drapes were disintegrating right off of the windows. Awsten felt a sigh bubble out of his chest. A deep sinking feeling, trying to combat the gust of sweet air in his lungs. He had finally come back home. If he let himself stand still for a moment, he could swear he still felt her standing in the kitchen, smiling at some tacky joke he had told.

The doors of the cabinets were swung awry, and half of them were laying cluttered across the floor and the countertops. Like the police and investigators had just thrown everything off of the weak hinges, forgetting that maybe… just maybe there was a chance that someone was coming home. 

He had promised himself he wouldn’t shed a tear, but Awsten’s laugh lines were wet and he felt his mouth get gummy. “It’s too bad I won’t be using this face to smile anymore, Roma. I love you. I miss you so much. But I’m here now. I’m finally home again.” 

Awsten took his time wandering down the hall, brushing his fingers across the walls, feeling the smoother patches of paint where they used to have posters and framed photos. _Don’t worry about dinner babe, I got takeout._ His musing felt like a lance to the heart, splinters scattering through his sagging limbs as he made his way further into the shadowed tunnel. 

Teenagers had taken it upon themselves to scatter trash, glass bottles, and burning debris across the bare bits of floor, taking advantage of the concrete pad underneath the padding and carpet. The lack of remorse this world had for the taken baffled Awsten. 

He scooped up old receipts and discarded notebook pages into his narrow and wrinkled fingers. Bad but heartfelt poems littered the shoe printed and dusty pages. Maybe this kid did have some sort of respect, using this apartment to craft out of their own heartbreak. It’s something he could see Roman enjoying. Her old home, now a shrine of recovery and growing up.

He felt his mouth fill with that sad gunk, and his face was getting damper by the minute. Awsten didn’t have much time if he was going to do this right the first time. Not that he had a chance to do it after today. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and made it to Roman’s extra bedroom. The one she had converted into a studio of sorts for the both of them. His old discarded but not forgotten instruments laid destroyed on the ground if they weren’t missing entirely. Caring was beyond the old man anymore. He had no use for them any longer. Let the phantoms of today warp what was fading from his past, maybe they could make something of it.

All Awsten needed from this room was a clear indicator that Roman’s influence was still here, and he had found it easily. A discarded photo was caught in the baseboard, facing the wall in an attempt to conceal itself from strangers and the elements. At least something was working with him today.

With aching limbs he pinched the photo and pulled it from the wall, looking at it with a soft bittersweet smile on his face. It wasn’t long now. He’d see her again, and soon. He brushed a finger across the image of Roman and him. The obligatory and clumsily timed rabbit ears behind Awsten’s head brought his chin to a tremble. God he missed her. 

Deep inside he was afraid that his doubt in her death might be the thing that kept them apart forever. What if his doubt in it all jinxed him. Was this going to be some Romeo and Juliet bullshit? Maybe she was hidden away in a vault with a bunch of other strange scarred people. Maybe she was trying her hardest to find him? 

Maybe she had been haunting him this whole time, trying to tell him to move on. 

He shook his head and fell to his bony knees. He didn’t need this now. It was far too late for this doubt. He had mere minutes left before he’d hear their thundering hoofbeats at his door. It was either now, or never. So he fell to his side, clutching the last remaining evidence of his lover in his age weathered hands. 

A broken sob crashed from his core as he rolled onto his back, hugging himself in his cluster fuck of emotions. Grief, relief, joy, and apprehension washed over his scarred and time forsaken body. He wasn’t even that old. Not in years really, but time seemed to stretch on much faster when you had your head poking in every alleyway. Your every thought latching onto the fleeting idea that someone was still there. He had spent his life living for someone that was long gone, and it was time to live it _with_ her. He wanted to be home. He wanted peace. 

No longer did he hope for the world to look at his story and find a way to bring him closure. He knew better now. The only one who had been there for him in the end, was the one he couldn’t save, and it was finally time for him to embrace her once more.

“I’m coming home, Roma.” He whispered to the decrepit building. No longer was it lonely and empty. He could hear the cavalry running up the steps, thundering on their combat boot hooves. He had no fear left for them. Nothing but hope and joy filled his bones anymore.

“He’s in the backroom!” Awsten heard a young blood shout, the clatter of guns and buckles sounded through the dusty apartment. He’d get to hold his lover again. He’d feel her strong arms and see her warm and golden gaze again. His heart screamed liquid amber as he heard someone enter the room. He could feel the gun being pointed at him without his eyes open.

The chapped smile on his face grew as he felt the anticipation grow in the air. The trigger was gonna be pulled. He’d see Roman again. Maybe she’d have one of those silly Nutella wraps for him when he opened his eyes. He gave a happy hum as he heard the click. The bang washed out any other distractions, crashing against his unyielding ears. 

Awsten felt the bullet, the searing punch of the smallest fist ripped through him. But it was okay. He’d see her caramel skin again and he’d never care about the aches and pains. He’d go through the worst tortures for lifetimes, if it meant that they could stay together in any universe. He didn’t bother breathing as the dark enveloped him. His mind slowed, and his eyes fluttered open to see nothing but comfort and the violently white shadows of stars.

This felt like home. Like he couldn’t help but melt into the nothing and feel comfort.

= = = = =

“Roma! I missed you, babe!” Awsten giggled, throwing his arms around the curly haired woman greeting him with a smile.

“I was only gone for a few minutes! I had forgotten to visit the cats in a while. Thought they deserved a check-up.” She explained, smoothing down Awsten’s hair as she tucked her face into the crook of his neck with a watery smile.

“I know. I had just hoped to go with you.” Awsten replied, his eyes swimming with emotion he had hoped to let go. He was home now. Maybe it was death. Maybe it was some colossal cosmic being’s way of apologizing for letting Roman and him be separated. He wasn’t sure he cared at this point.

He pulled back to pepper her sun blessed face with kisses, brushing the tears away with his lips and his calloused thumbs. “It’s not a big deal any more, lovely. We can do it again later, together.”

“Yes… yes we can.” Roman replied, pulling Awsten flush against her with uncovered marbled arms. “I love you, Awzzy.”

“I love you too, Roma.”


End file.
